This trend of showcasing makeovers and transformations isn’t new in media. The story of the ugly duckling blossoming into a graceful swan is both universally and timelessly appealing. It’s worth noting that more often than not, these transformations are more or less superficial and at times quite radical. [Remember how Sandy starts smoking just to impress Danny in Grease?]. These makeovers only focus on the outside, while ignoring the inside completely. Movies are fun, but in real life, until you also improve your personality and focus on becoming a better person, your life isn’t going to change at all. Here are some tips to do just that:
1. Pick up a new hobby: You know that skill you’ve always wanted to learn, but kept postponing? Not anymore. It’s time to take the bull by its horns and start. It could be anything- gardening, playing an instrument, a new language, ballet…etc. Pick one that interests you and set some fun goals with rewards at the end. Before you know it, you’ll be well into it and even enjoying it!
2. Meet a new person: When I say meeting someone new, I mean you could try to speak to someone whom you tentatively know, but haven’t spoken to yet. It could be someone on social media you’re connected with, and maybe you can take your friendship from digital to personal and get a coffee!
3. Choose something you’d like to change: Now this is a call for some self-reflection. We all have toxic traits we could do without. These traits are bringing us down and preventing us from where we want to be in life. Unless we actually do something, this will continue. It could be some bad habits or some undesirable qualities that you’d be a lot better without.
Identifying and writing a toxic trait down on a piece of paper is the first step to dealing with it. Then write down what needs to change and how it can be done. Pen down your weaknesses, the excuses you make to justify them and put them all around the house. Here’s the hard part: Get on with it. No excuses. It’s not easy, but life’s not easy. It’ll be hard at first, but I promise you that it gets easier and it’s worth it. Your future success will thank you for it later.
4. Take the plunge: We dream of doing a lot of things in our lifetime. We even make elaborate plans for doing them and try to imagine what it’d be like once we’ve manifested that vision. But we often forget the most important part: Doing it.
Taking the plunge is the same as changing bad habits- you have to stop making excuses and just do it, no matter how uncomfortable it feels. You’ll get used to it after a while, and it’ll even become a routine by then. After all, the journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step. If that first step isn’t taken, then the journey can’t be made. So go ahead and dive into the deep end.
5. Take care of your health: Ironically, the most attractive people are those who are healthy and take care of themselves. You don’t need to spend big bucks to look good. Eating healthy, exercising, maintaining your personal hygiene and sleeping well will do it for you. These habits help you feel fresh and young, as well. It’s a win-win situation.
6. Filter out toxic people: The selfish friend, the narcissistic partner, the enabling colleagues- they all fit into this category. What you allow will continue. There’s nothing wrong with cutting such people out. Their toxicity handed you the scissors. In order to have a real internal makeover, you need to start respecting yourself and setting boundaries. This will pave the way for a more mature and wiser you. Never forget: Those who truly respect you and value you will never overstep your boundaries. The more you value yourself and your time, the more high-calibre people will be attracted to you.
7. Improve the way you look: Now don’t get me wrong. I do believe that who you are matters more than what you look like, and that’s what this article has been all about. You can get a new haircut, change up your wardrobe or even experiment with a new lip color. The choice is yours. There’s an argument to be made that looking your best makes you feel your best and makes a good impression on everyone you meet. However, it’s important to keep in mind that a pretty face isn’t enough to mask a spiteful mind and a worn out heart.
8. Help out: One of the best ways to give back to the world is through charity. There are tons or NGOs and charity centers that could use your support, be it through volunteering or donations (monetary/items). But if you don’t have the time or the resources required, you can always lend a helping hand to anyone in your community. Whether it’s buying groceries for the elderly neighbor down the street or helping mentor a young child, even small acts can make a big difference. And in a world that’s rife with cruelty, a little kindness can go a long way.
9. Forgiveness: No article on inner beauty, personality development or being a better person is complete without mentioning forgiveness. While it might be a cliché, it’s a necessary factor in becoming a better person. You can’t move on if your heart is stuck in the past. In order to move on, it’s important to forgive those who hurt you. While you needn’t be best friends with them, you shouldn’t hold on to that bitterness. You’re better than that. It might be hard, but it’s worth it in the end. Life is too short to hold grudges.
BONUS TIP: Read. Read like the ink in the book is oxygen and you’re gasping for your last breath. Fiction, Spirituality, Higher Thinking, Relationships….just choose a genre you’re interested in. The cognitive benefits of reading are well-known. Reading can help you learn and become a better person. So pick up a book right now!
(For more recommendations and genres, check out our Book List article)
CLOSING THOUGHTS:
This kind of internal makeover is much harder than the glamorous Hollywood ones. But it’s the one that’ll not only change the way you look, but also transform your circumstances and life. External makeovers don’t account for much if you remain the same internally. Changing yourself to become a better person starts with you. This is the real glow-up. It does require a lot of effort, but the ends justify the means, as you’ll see yourself turning into the truly radiant person inside and out that you’ve always dreamed of becoming.
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Q 1. To start off, tell us a little bit about your background.
J: I was born and brought up in Azerbaijan. I did my Bachelors in International Relations from George Washington University (USA) and my Masters in European Political Governance Studies from the College of Europe. I’m also a UK-certified International Social Etiquette Consultant. I currently live in Baku, Azerbaijan with my husband and two children.
Q 2. Wow! That must have allowed you to travel a lot and learn many languages.
J: Indeed! I enjoy traveling and meeting new people. I’m very fond of learning about different cultures and languages. I can fluently speak Azerbaijani, English, Russian, French and Spanish. I have some basic knowledge of German and Turkish, as well.
Q 3. That sounds like a lot of work. How do you manage it all?
J: The key lies in scheduling. I have a very clear vision of what I want my week to look like. I plan details and devote a couple of hours each day to reading and self-care. It’s also important to allow a certain amount of flexibility, because things can often happen unexpectedly. I do have help at home, and my family also helps me on a day-to-day basis with my kids and non-work related things.
Q 4. Talking of reading, you’ve written a couple of books yourself, haven’t you?
J: Yes! I’ve written two books- ‘Etiquette- The Least You Need To Know’ and ‘Afternoon Tea Etiquette’.
The first book is a guide to the basics of etiquette- as the title suggests. It focuses on the fundamentals of dining etiquette and how to properly behave at a formal dinner, what to wear and much more. The emphasis is on the fundamentals which everyone needs to have a basic awareness of in order to conduct themselves with confidence and class.
The second book is slightly different. This book is all about the British tradition of afternoon tea. It talks about the history of this tradition and how it’s consumed, as well as the requirements for attending, consuming and hosting Afternoon Tea.
My books consist of short and structured sentences, clear explanations and lots of illustrations so that it’s universally applicable and easily understood by everyone, regardless of their age, gender or background.
Q. 5 So what made you get into the field of Etiquette, especially on YouTube?
J: Well, my background in International Relations already consisted of diplomacy and its protocols. After having finished my studies, I realized that I was interested in this aspect of International Relations, so I gradually started learning about Etiquette, and now I have a certain level of depth and authority in this field, which has been extremely helpful in many other areas of my life. I believe that etiquette can benefit everyone, but many people can’t afford or don’t have access to training in social etiquette. That’s why I use YouTube. It allows me to teach and demonstrate to thousands of people who can access it all over the world at their own time and pace for free. Teaching Etiquette on Youtube gives me a great deal of pleasure, and I’m very grateful for the overwhelming support and positivity that I’ve received online.
Q 6. That’s wonderful! But apart from the positivity, you must have also received negative comments, not to mention intrusion into your personal life, both online and offline. How do you deal with that?
J: Of course! Unfortunately some people are extremely rude, especially when they write things that they would never dare to say to me in real life. But I don’t let it bother me. I delete a lot of negative comments and try to pay attention to the positive ones only. After all, my social platform is my personal digital space, so I can pick and choose whose comments I want to see and whose I do not. Having a good support system- friends and family- is also vital in this process. They keep you grounded no matter what.
Q 7. And how do we deal with such situations in real life?
J: Admittedly, being faced with animosity in person is quite different than being subjected to it online, but usually it’s not personal. Someone may be having a bad day and taking it out on you- which is not your fault. And some people are rude by nature and want to hurt you because they’re jealous. Engaging with them negatively isn’t worth it. It’s important to be polite yourself, but firm with such people. One technique I employ is to lower my pitch and harden the end of my sentence. That creates an unconscious barrier which their aggression cannot penetrate.
Q 8. So as an etiquette consultant, how important do you think etiquette is in the modern world?
J: I personally feel that there’s a dire need for us to return to courtesy and politeness. With the availability of the internet, it’s very easy for people to assume anonymous identities and insult others. We’ve become so self-obsessed, that we’ve stopped considering other people’s needs and caring about them. Sometimes instead of trying to improve themselves, people resort to snobbish behaviors. That’s where etiquette comes in. Improving our manners will help us rekindle the respect between people. We’ll be inspired to elevate ourselves in order to make a good impression and cultivate high-calibre relationships. Most importantly, it’ll make us better people, not only from the outside, but from within, as well.
Q 9. What’s your take on the relevance of inner beauty and personality in the world of etiquette?
J: I would say that personality plays a huge role. It’s unfortunate that in the era of Instagram filters, natural beauty has been pushed to the backburner. It’s who you are from within that marks your place in this world. I do recognize the importance of personal hygiene and looking our best to present ourselves well. It does help to spark interest and enhance the impressions people may form, but outward appearance doesn’t mean much if there’s nothing within. Look at it this way: You need to be externally beautiful in order to catch attention, but you require inner beauty to retain it.
Q 10. What other areas of life does etiquette help us?
J: The honest answer would be All! Etiquette truly does help in all areas of life. It enhances your communication skills and the ability to behave respectfully with people, regardless of the situation. Following etiquette rules encourages you to put other people first and approach everyone with dignity. Knowing how to behave in different situations also gives you that extra level of confidence and takes away the anxiety of unfamiliar situations or settings. Having good manners is helpful in all walks of life- university, professional, social and personal.
Q 11. Are there any specific qualities that one needs in order to master the art of courtesy?
J: As I’ve previously mentioned, every person is unique and brings something different to the table. That being said, there are a few basic qualities that people should have in order to be proficient in etiquette:
-Desire for self-improvement
-Open-mindedness towards different cultures, people, traditions and societies
-Self-awareness and discipline, especially when getting rid of old, bad habits or ways of doing something and re-learning the proper way.
Q 12. When you’re not working, what do you enjoy doing in your leisure time?
J: Of late, my schedule has been jam-packed. But I manage to take some time out to relax. I love being with my family and friends. Reading and dancing are my preferred pastimes. Before the pandemic, I used to travel a lot. I’ve recently started learning how to ski, and am making gradual progress.
Q 13. What’s on the horizon for you, Jamila?
J: I’m very ambitious regarding the future of etiquette and hope to continue in this field. My main aim is to bring etiquette back to fashion. I will continue to upload more videos on my YouTube channel. I’m hopeful that etiquette will soon be reintroduced back into academic curriculum in schools and universities like it used to be. I will also be holding private lessons and conducting online workshops for interested students and clients, and of course, writing more books on the subject.
Q 14. Finally, are there any wise words that you’d like to leave us with?
J: There are three things that I think everyone should keep in mind:
Don’t just be the most interesting person in the room; be the most interested one. Be genuinely interested in other people’s cultures, traditions, customs etc. It’ll help you leave a better impression on people and cultivate deeper relationships with them.
When in doubt, observe others who have decorum. If you are not sure how to behave in any situation, pay attention to others who have mastered the art, and follow their lead.
Etiquette is the language of respectful behavior. Having courtesy is a must, even to those not kind to you.
Jamila’s first book: (Etiquette- The least you need to know): Amazon, Libraff Bookstores
Jamila’s second book: (Afternoon Tea Etiquette): Libraff Bookstores
You can check out more of Jamila’s works and find her on:
Clubhouse: @jamilamusayeva
Website: www.jamilamusayeva.com
with LaDonna Whittingham (As seen in MITH issue 7 print on page 158)
LaDonna is a stylist in Los Angeles and creator of FlyGirlsUnite, a movement and blog to bring women together in fashion to pursue their true passion and purpose. LaDonna is quite fly herself, and shares some tips with us on how to be the same!
MITH: What makes a fly girl, fly?
LaDonna: A ‘FlyGirl’ is someone who is unafraid to be who she is, and also isn’t afraid to express where she has come from. There are a lot of women that are walking around who are ready to break barriers, unashamed of who they are, and who they were created to be. A woman who is ready to join forces with other women is fly. We all have something that we can bring to the table and I consider any woman who is kind and generous in spirit, and of course stylish in her own way, to be fly! Overall, if your confident in yourself and know who you are and where you’re going, that’s all that you need!
MITH: Is it hard working with multiple clients with different styles?
LaDonna: Styling is no easy task. Working in a variety of settings with different clients is challenging, but it’s possible. With constant persistence and dedication, anything you put your mind to is possible. Once you really develop a relationship with your client, no matter how many clients you have, as long as you KNOW who they are…their desires, likes and dislikes, you should be able to work with them all collectively, confidently and with ease.
MITH: What are a few staples in a fly girl’s wardrobe that never go out of style that are both elegant, modest and timeless, and also make her stand out in the crowd?
LaDonna: A couple of timeless staple pieces I recommend for a ‘FlyGirl’ would be a classic LBD (little black dress or black leather moto jacket. Both pieces are versatile, and never go out of style! It’s not what you wear, but how you wear it that makes you stand out in a crowd. Confidence goes a long way. Get up and get dressed not only in your favorite dress, but clothe yourself in confidence, joy, peace and a positive attitude. Having true self-identity is the reflection of your character, so it’s important to not only consider “what am I going to wear today or tomorrow,” but also just as important or more important to decide “who am I going to be today” that makes you fly!
MITH: Besides fabulous style, how can a fly girl be a leader in her family and community?
LaDonna: A fly girl can be a leader in her family and community by setting a good example. I love giving back to the homeless and serving in my church. This not only represents my style, but also my spirit. Being fly is clothing your body with fabulous garments while also clothing your character with deeds of love. You see, being fly is not just about clothing, it’s also about character. It’s about the way you feel about yourself and how you make others feel.
This is why my blog/movement FlyGirlsUnite is soo important, because it allows Faith and Fashion to become one – it brings sisters and style together. It’s about breaking down barriers and strengthening relationships with someone just like you, so you can grow and encourage each other on this journey of life. Styling for me is not just about putting people in clothing, but it’s also about clothing the person within that brings me gratitude and satisfaction in what I do. We have to go beyond the surface and go a little bit deeper.
Photo of LaDonna Whittingham
Photographer: Ashley Claire @korthwest
Instagram: FlyGirlsUnite & @LaDonnaAlicia
Edited by MITH Editor-in-Chief @hollyglasser
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