Jamila Musayeva is an International Social Etiquette Consultant, YouTuber and teacher. She’s also an author ‘Etiquette- The least you need to know’ and ‘Afternoon Tea Etiquette’ and co-founder of the first baby gym in her country, Azerbaijan (www.gymbala.az). Jamila enjoys traveling all over the world and conducting workshops on etiquette and elegance for young adults to prepare them for a life after school. We were fortunate enough to be able to interview her in detail about her work and principles.
Q 1. To start off, tell us a little bit about your background.
J: I was born and brought up in Azerbaijan. I did my Bachelors in International Relations from George Washington University (USA) and my Masters in European Political Governance Studies from the College of Europe. I’m also a UK-certified International Social Etiquette Consultant. I currently live in Baku, Azerbaijan with my husband and two children.
Q 2. Wow! That must have allowed you to travel a lot and learn many languages.
J: Indeed! I enjoy traveling and meeting new people. I’m very fond of learning about different cultures and languages. I can fluently speak Azerbaijani, English, Russian, French and Spanish. I have some basic knowledge of German and Turkish, as well.
Q 3. That sounds like a lot of work. How do you manage it all?
J: The key lies in scheduling. I have a very clear vision of what I want my week to look like. I plan details and devote a couple of hours each day to reading and self-care. It’s also important to allow a certain amount of flexibility, because things can often happen unexpectedly. I do have help at home, and my family also helps me on a day-to-day basis with my kids and non-work related things.
Q 4. Talking of reading, you’ve written a couple of books yourself, haven’t you?
J: Yes! I’ve written two books- ‘Etiquette- The Least You Need To Know’ and ‘Afternoon Tea Etiquette’.
The first book is a guide to the basics of etiquette- as the title suggests. It focuses on the fundamentals of dining etiquette and how to properly behave at a formal dinner, what to wear and much more. The emphasis is on the fundamentals which everyone needs to have a basic awareness of in order to conduct themselves with confidence and class.
The second book is slightly different. This book is all about the British tradition of afternoon tea. It talks about the history of this tradition and how it’s consumed, as well as the requirements for attending, consuming and hosting Afternoon Tea.
My books consist of short and structured sentences, clear explanations and lots of illustrations so that it’s universally applicable and easily understood by everyone, regardless of their age, gender or background.
Q. 5 So what made you get into the field of Etiquette, especially on YouTube?
J: Well, my background in International Relations already consisted of diplomacy and its protocols. After having finished my studies, I realized that I was interested in this aspect of International Relations, so I gradually started learning about Etiquette, and now I have a certain level of depth and authority in this field, which has been extremely helpful in many other areas of my life. I believe that etiquette can benefit everyone, but many people can’t afford or don’t have access to training in social etiquette. That’s why I use YouTube. It allows me to teach and demonstrate to thousands of people who can access it all over the world at their own time and pace for free. Teaching Etiquette on Youtube gives me a great deal of pleasure, and I’m very grateful for the overwhelming support and positivity that I’ve received online.
Q 6. That’s wonderful! But apart from the positivity, you must have also received negative comments, not to mention intrusion into your personal life, both online and offline. How do you deal with that?
J: Of course! Unfortunately some people are extremely rude, especially when they write things that they would never dare to say to me in real life. But I don’t let it bother me. I delete a lot of negative comments and try to pay attention to the positive ones only. After all, my social platform is my personal digital space, so I can pick and choose whose comments I want to see and whose I do not. Having a good support system- friends and family- is also vital in this process. They keep you grounded no matter what.
Q 7. And how do we deal with such situations in real life?
J: Admittedly, being faced with animosity in person is quite different than being subjected to it online, but usually it’s not personal. Someone may be having a bad day and taking it out on you- which is not your fault. And some people are rude by nature and want to hurt you because they’re jealous. Engaging with them negatively isn’t worth it. It’s important to be polite yourself, but firm with such people. One technique I employ is to lower my pitch and harden the end of my sentence. That creates an unconscious barrier which their aggression cannot penetrate.
Q 8. So as an etiquette consultant, how important do you think etiquette is in the modern world?
J: I personally feel that there’s a dire need for us to return to courtesy and politeness. With the availability of the internet, it’s very easy for people to assume anonymous identities and insult others. We’ve become so self-obsessed, that we’ve stopped considering other people’s needs and caring about them. Sometimes instead of trying to improve themselves, people resort to snobbish behaviors. That’s where etiquette comes in. Improving our manners will help us rekindle the respect between people. We’ll be inspired to elevate ourselves in order to make a good impression and cultivate high-calibre relationships. Most importantly, it’ll make us better people, not only from the outside, but from within, as well.
Q 9. What’s your take on the relevance of inner beauty and personality in the world of etiquette?
J: I would say that personality plays a huge role. It’s unfortunate that in the era of Instagram filters, natural beauty has been pushed to the backburner. It’s who you are from within that marks your place in this world. I do recognize the importance of personal hygiene and looking our best to present ourselves well. It does help to spark interest and enhance the impressions people may form, but outward appearance doesn’t mean much if there’s nothing within. Look at it this way: You need to be externally beautiful in order to catch attention, but you require inner beauty to retain it.
Q 10. What other areas of life does etiquette help us?
J: The honest answer would be All! Etiquette truly does help in all areas of life. It enhances your communication skills and the ability to behave respectfully with people, regardless of the situation. Following etiquette rules encourages you to put other people first and approach everyone with dignity. Knowing how to behave in different situations also gives you that extra level of confidence and takes away the anxiety of unfamiliar situations or settings. Having good manners is helpful in all walks of life- university, professional, social and personal.
Q 11. Are there any specific qualities that one needs in order to master the art of courtesy?
J: As I’ve previously mentioned, every person is unique and brings something different to the table. That being said, there are a few basic qualities that people should have in order to be proficient in etiquette:
-Desire for self-improvement
-Open-mindedness towards different cultures, people, traditions and societies
-Self-awareness and discipline, especially when getting rid of old, bad habits or ways of doing something and re-learning the proper way.
Q 12. When you’re not working, what do you enjoy doing in your leisure time?
J: Of late, my schedule has been jam-packed. But I manage to take some time out to relax. I love being with my family and friends. Reading and dancing are my preferred pastimes. Before the pandemic, I used to travel a lot. I’ve recently started learning how to ski, and am making gradual progress.
Q 13. What’s on the horizon for you, Jamila?
J: I’m very ambitious regarding the future of etiquette and hope to continue in this field. My main aim is to bring etiquette back to fashion. I will continue to upload more videos on my YouTube channel. I’m hopeful that etiquette will soon be reintroduced back into academic curriculum in schools and universities like it used to be. I will also be holding private lessons and conducting online workshops for interested students and clients, and of course, writing more books on the subject.
Q 14. Finally, are there any wise words that you’d like to leave us with?
J: There are three things that I think everyone should keep in mind:
Don’t just be the most interesting person in the room; be the most interested one. Be genuinely interested in other people’s cultures, traditions, customs etc. It’ll help you leave a better impression on people and cultivate deeper relationships with them.
When in doubt, observe others who have decorum. If you are not sure how to behave in any situation, pay attention to others who have mastered the art, and follow their lead.
Etiquette is the language of respectful behavior. Having courtesy is a must, even to those not kind to you.
Jamila’s first book: (Etiquette- The least you need to know): Amazon, Libraff Bookstores
Jamila’s second book: (Afternoon Tea Etiquette): Libraff Bookstores
You can check out more of Jamila’s works and find her on:
Clubhouse: @jamilamusayeva
Website: www.jamilamusayeva.com
